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Before You Seek Revenge, Dig Two Graves

The latest Ariana book is all about revenge. Revenge for past heartbreaks. Revenge so strong and so fueled by other emotions that it takes on a life of its own.

So basically, exactly what revenge does in real life.

Think back to someone who wronged you. And I don’t mean cut you off in traffic or broke into your car and stole your backpack. I mean a personal wrong.

Most people think the area of law where you see the worst of humanity is in criminal law.

They’re wrong.

It’s in family law. Hands down.

Because someone committing a crime against you is one thing. You’re a victim, you may even be badly victimized, and you have to deal with it.

There’s a sense of violation, of guilt over letting it happen, of anger over it, but there’s no sense of that most horrible feeling. That thing that rocks your world and makes you question not only everyone else, but your own judgement.


You see the absolute worst in humanity in divorce court because there is nothing so spiteful, so cruel, so evil, as two humans who have gotten inside each other, because they know exactly how to blow each other up from the inside. And not only do they know how to do it, they are so far gone they actually do it.

And that’s when you see sullied souls.

They not only hurt each other, they hurt themselves in trying to hurt each other. They lower themselves to depths they never thought themselves capable of, all in the name of getting back at the other.

All in the name of revenge.

I think Christopher Titus captured it pretty well in his special, Love is Evol – “If you are in here tonight, and you have never contemplated suicide, then you have never been in love. And if you’re in here tonight and you never contemplated murder, then you’ve never been divorced.”

Now stop and think about that. Why the hell would you ever want to kill someone you loved?

If you’re thinking rationally, you wouldn’t. You would want what was best for them, even if it wasn’t you.

But feelings aren’t rational. And every single one of us who’ve had our hearts broken have considered doing something, anything, to get back at the person who did it.


Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I’m still trying to figure that out. I think part of it is just wanting to know you affect the other person as much as they affect you. Part of it may just be wanting their attention because they no longer feel the need to talk to you. And maybe part of it is wanting to prove to them, and to yourself, that you don’t care, because if you can hurt them then it means you don’t care.

But of course, you wouldn’t be doing it if you actually didn’t care.

The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference.

Whenever I want to give in to the darkness, to lash out, to try to do something, anything to get back at the person who hurt me, I remember my daddy’s words:

Before you seek revenge, dig two graves.

Don’t think of you rising above as doing it for them. Think of it as doing it for yourself. Because if you lash out, if you do something unforgivable in the hopes of hurting them so bad that you feel like you won over an enemy, you will destroy yourself in the process.

You will have lowered yourself. You will have blackened your heart. And you will have to live with the fact that you were the bad guy when you could’ve been good. And you will regret it. Not because it would destroy any chance at reconciliation, because let’s face it, if you’re at that point, there probably isn’t one, but because it means that will be one more victory they have over you.

They will have triumphed over you, by making you kill a part of yourself.

And that will be one more thing you have to heal in yourself when you’re finally ready.

So when you feel the blood lust, when all you can think of is hurting the other person, be it for attention or just to feel like you can win over them, remember the words we all need at some point in our lives, and back away.

Before you seek revenge, dig two graves.

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